I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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