I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
