he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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