Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
