Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That accounts for only three of the penises
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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