Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
