Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
