Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
