U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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