I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
