My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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