The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
