Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We got so high we made milksteak
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
