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So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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