I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
