She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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