You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
