I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
