Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
