things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
