I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
