I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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