And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
