she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
