I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
