I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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