6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
