I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
