it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
