2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
