If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
