Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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