Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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