literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
