As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
