i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
