My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize