Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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