Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
