almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
