how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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