spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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