She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
