Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
