$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
