She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
