I will die if light touches me.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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