she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
