Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
