Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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