What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
